Monday, December 31, 2012

2012, back in time to say good bye


Dear friends,

Happy New Year!!!

Thank you for checking back in to visit and read after my long hiatus. I really appreciate the friends and family who have mentioned missing my blog updates, and as promised, I do plan to bring back the blogging for 2013. I can’t totally explain my absence, except to say that I had a bad case of writer’s block and also began to feel a bit self-obsessed with this little space in the internet. But I am back and so thankful for you to come back alongside me!

2012 was a good year and because my blog was quiet, here are some highlights:

1 Vacation to Palm Desert with my fam, but most of the time it was just me and Ash.
2 Became a fan of Angels' baseball
3 Sad about the passing of Whitney Houston and Nora Ephron
4 Traveled with Ash to DC to visit our good friend, Nikki, and our cousins
5 Heard Anne Lamott talk (for the second time), stalked George Clooney, saw celebrities for an opening night of theater in LA, & “met” several famous women at the LA Women’s Expo
6 Permed my very straight hair 
7 Spent Thanksgiving with Mom’s side of the family in Sarasota, FL!
8 Lots of time spent at Disneyland
9 ASHLEY AND CHRIS GOT ENGAGED!
10 Soaked up time with family and friends (especially the Teri’s)

This New Year, 2013, will bring a lot of change for me due to work, family, and housing. So my theme, rather than a resolution, will be to be open to change, and therefore brave. I will continually remind myself to welcome change and remind myself that I can do hard things. I know it will be a great year of lessons and learning, which is only fitting since 2012 has been so relatively easy on me. All in all, I am looking forward to the journey.  

I wish you all a very happy, peaceful, healing, and healthy 2013. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

the moving future

Lately I have been spending a lot of time thinking about my future. It is always something I think about these days, more so than any other time in my life. I have been asked a lot recently about my future and where I will live and what I want to do. I seem to tell people the answers I think I am supposed to, it is what I have always been best at, so the habit is very hard to break.

But today I had a thought... it is okay to stay. It is okay to go home. It is okay to live in the same area for your entire life. It is not a loss. It is not a failure. That person's life is not smaller than someone who left. I tell people that I want to try living in New York City, and to be honest, I do think about it. I talk about a possible future in Texas for a grad program or if my parents ever move there. I am dying to visit Seattle to consider a move there. But actually, these are just answers I say for people to think I am more interesting or driven or braver than I actually am.

Truth is, I don't think I want to leave. I realized today that all of my favorite TV shows and movies and books are about staying or returning home. Gilmore Girls, Providence, Brothers & Sisters, October Road, etc. All those plots are about home and coming to terms with being an adult where you grew up. It is not easy. I talk to my mom nearly every day and I am - or maybe we both are - still learning how to navigate our relationship as her baby girl grows up and as I realize my mom is an adult in the real world. I have to say, being in the corporate world and living on my own and having good friends my parent's age, has given me a new level of understanding or a new dimension of a relationship about them.

All this to say, your life is still full if you never left where you grew up but please move out of your parents' house for at least a bit). I will still be just as capable and accomplished if I ever decide to return to my hometown. I think all I want to know is that home is always there and that you can always come home. I heard a great quote about this today: "life needs to be an adventure. The world is big and it's exciting and if you don't like it, home is always waiting for you. The door is always open, you can return."

This thought is so exciting and inspiring, but what about breaking leases and having money for food when you move away? How do you navigate the decision to leave and the decision to accept that you should go back? It's all a very interesting thought process as a single, corporate, twenty-something.

So, we'll see...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

hiatus

Please forgive the hiatus. 
I wrote my Nora Ephron post for my own need to document daily life, but aside from that, I know I haven't written in a while. 
I have to say, I think my hiatus will continue for a bit. Life is good and busy and happy, but I seem to have some writer's block. 
In the meantime, thank you for checking in. 

Nora Ephron: Sally, Annie, and Kathleen

Today, the film industry, literary world, and most of my inner circle, lost a valued member in the passing of Nora Ephron. She was one of my all time favorite screenwriters and directors. "Sleepless in Seattle" and "You've Got Mail" are in my top 10 favorite movies of all time ("Sleepless" is actually in my top five) and "Julie and Julia" ranks in my top 25 for sure.

Nora wrote female characters in a flattering, smart, not overtly feminist, yet clearly feminist, kind of way. She wrote about women who were smart and funny and capable and were their own heroines. They did not play the victim, they were not helpless or dumb or desperate. They were strong yet quirky, which are two qualities that make the best kind of woman. On the other hand, her leading men were not stereotypical either. They too had many sides and emotions and humor. Nora set the bar on the romantic comedy as a genre, and as a woman who loves to see rom-coms, I can say with certainty, that she stands alone in excellence. Her love stories were full of literature and intentionality and were slow moving; not about one night stands, pick up lines, and meeting at bars. 

I once read - through Natalie's blog - about what kind of Meg Ryan and Co. character are you, and it made me think of a more appropriate question for me, which is what one of Meg Ryan's Nora characters are you? I believe every woman is probably one, or at least some of one. My friend Amy and I have discussed this. The theory is as follows...

You are a Sally if... you're quirky, follow a set of rules you don't quite know why you follow, and can surprise people when they least expect it ("I'll have what she's having"). You may also be the type that folds her underwear, among other quirky habits. 

You are an Annie if... you are a bit uptight, you have a stalking tendency, and need constant validation from your friends. You are also known for wanting to live in a movie version of your own life ("you don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie").

You are a Kathleen if... you are cute and innocent, nostalgic, and like to read. You don't like to be out of your comfort zone, but will make changes when you realize it is better to be unsure than unhappy ("there's the dream of someone else"). You also may also be her if you hate boats and love daises. 

Personally, I am an Annie. I have stalker tendencies and I tend to live in my day dreams rather than reality. I can also totally fall in love with someone simply by hearing their voice on the radio and would probably date a nerdy guy just so he would feel better and I would be adored... for a while, just like Annie. Amy, on the other hand, is a Kathleen. She is cheery and smart and upbeat and knows when to step out of her comfort zone. 

Trust me, you will now want to watch "When Harry Met Sally," "Sleepless in Seattle," and "You've Got Mail" to add to my descriptions, test my theory, and decide who you are too. 

This whole post is part of why Nora Ephron was a genius and will be missed by me. Her work made a lasting impression in my life and I will always admire her literary and comedic talent. 

(here are some great articles about Nora... one, two, three and four). 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Life punctuation

A wise friend told me today that "life is punctuated by perfection," that life is never all bad or all good, but that times are spotted with moments of perfection, moments of joy and goodness, between moments of sadness, anger, or devastation. This feels so very true.

I spent some time today at a baby shower with friends I knew in college. We sat around and talked about how I've been at APU for nearly a decade now. It is a thought I've been struck by often lately and was relieved when someone else said it out loud. We all talked about how long ago college seems and how we have become adults now. My friend, Amy, and I discussed this same thing earlier this week, that we are adults and it just sort of happened. You spend so much time in college wondering when you'll finally feel like an adult and without warning, months or years or moments go by, and it hits you that you are, in fact, an adult, just when the thought couldn't be further from your mind.

I had a very full circle kind of experience at the shower today. I was reminded of the good moments I had as an undergraduate. Lately, I have been carrying the heavy load of my time in undergrad. The anxiety and depression I felt. The hypocrisy of those around me. The shallow friendships and lonely days. How many people I went to school with are no longer Christians and no longer value the morals they once so strongly believed in. I've been reminded of the poor choices that leaders made when we were students. I have so much unresolved anger and bitterness toward the people, places, and parts of my undergrad career, so much so, that those three and half years are a ball of negativity for me - some of which were so painful I can't even remember chunks of semesters and experiences, as a way to self-preserve.

But today, I was reminded, simply by being in the presence of former friends, that parts of undergrad were good and crucial to my growth as a woman. I was reminded that some of the friends there today represent literal moments when my life changed course and gained direction. It made the wound of undergrad heal a bit, like a Barbie band-aid over a skinned knee.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Half full

There are a few things depressing me today.

Politics.
Glee.
Grocery stores.
Divorce.
Marriage.
Division.
Mistaken theology.
Oatmeal cookies.

So, lets focus on things that are making me happy.

Smash.
Tony Bennett's Duets II.
Laughter.
Disneyland.
New cell phone cover.
On the Island.
Anderson Cooper and Kelly Ripa on WWHL.
Family facebook conversations.


Saturday, April 21, 2012

33 years of commitment

Happy anniversary to my parents!


They were married 33 years ago today at ages 23 and 26. Crazy to think that as of next year I will be older than both my parents were when they got married. I heard advice from a woman once (maybe in a book?) who got "advice" about still being single from her mother and the daughter looked and her and said "you've never been single for 27 years, you were married at 22. You don't know what it's like." Isn't that such an interesting perspective? We all know on some level about single-hood and marriage, but we can never know the whole story because we aren't in that same place.

This is true of parents marriage and my non-married status. I am so proud of my parents for being married for 33 years. What an accomplishment! If you ask them the secret to marriage they will say one word: "God." The Lord and their commitment to the Lord is what keeps them married. So important. My parents are a great example of commitment and of keeping God in focus. I have learned a lot about commitment from my parents and will be taking that with me in my own.


day dreams

I am in such a dream mood today. 
Dreaming of things I wish I could do or plans I have or the beginnings of a bucket list. 
This happens often to me and I never write them down. 
Maybe I should?

~ take a road trip 
~ go bowling with pizza and beer and some music to dance to
~ take a dance class
~ stay on a farm
~ visit some wide open spaces
~ see Seattle 
~ volunteer in a nursery 
~ live in a sprawling house 
~ write on a front porch with the sun rising 

That's all for today. 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

One Tree Hill


I would not be the TV lover I am if I didn't post about the end of One Tree Hill. Tonight was the finale episode of the series, and although I haven't watched the show for years, and never was a very faithful viewer, I had to tune in tonight. Also, in classic Carrie style, I cried.

This show was so good in it's day, back when the WB was the channel to watch as a teenager with Dawson's Creek, Felicity (my fave), OTH, and at the end of it's run, Related and The Bedford Diaries. Two of my favorite OTH episodes were Nathan and Haley's second wedding and the fourth season finale, which was graduation. I remember I identified so much with the opening episode of season five when they jumped ahead 4 years. I was senior in college then and about the same "age" as the characters in that season.

One Tree Hill always makes me wish that my life was full of everyday relationships with friends from high school. Tonight I really realized that this dream will never happen. It's not a sad realization, just truth. I was insanely blessed to have the friends and high school experience that I had, and shows like One Tree Hill remind me of those days. But we've all moved on and that life will not exist.

OTH also makes me want to live in a small town surrounded by friends and one stop light and knowing everyone's name. Ironically, I was even researching small towns today, so the dream is not just due to OTH. I love the idea of a small town.

So, goodbye to One Tree Hill. I won't really miss it, but am glad to have closure all the same.

(photo from OTH Twitter and here is a great goodbye note by Bethany Joy [Haley]).

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The last 3 months in pictures

 Palm Desert with Ashley. 
 Disneyland with my coworker friends. This picture makes me so happy.
 Stalking Modern Family at Disneyland. 
 My favorite kids: Grant and Amelia. 
 Spending time with Teri and Karen (Cuz). 
 Anne Lamott. 
 Birthday drinks with A and Chris (taking the pic). 

Friday, March 30, 2012

Mega million dreams

(taken with my phone by Michaela) 

I bought lotto tickets today. The mega million is $500,000 and I have a 1 in 176 million chance to win it. This is only the second time I've ever bought a lotto ticket. First time was my 18th birthday weekend with Amy.

So, what would I do with the money?

Pay off all my loans. Pay off my parents' loan for my schooling as well. Pay off my sister and my parents loans (goodbye mortgage and car payments).


Buy a house. Build a house. Not just a house, a family compound. A bunch of big houses for all my loved ones, preferably in a location overlooking the pacific ocean. Buy a condo somewhere else to vacation to (with enough room for my current and future family). Maybe a few condos in several locations. And a town home in New York City. 

Take my Mom to England. This is making me realize that I actually have no clue what my Dad and sister would want. So, take them wherever they want. Spend a year traveling the US, spending a week in every state and see everything. (This is honestly my dream trip). Go to Italy and eat everything. 

Set aside four college funds for children I may have or children I may love. Actually, set up like 15 college funds just because. Maybe for my future grand children and great grand children?

Buy Disneyland. Pay however much money I need to in order to stay in Walt Disney's apartment above the fire house. Also donate however much I need to get to stay in the dream suite as well. 

Give money to North Coast Church.  Donate to charity. Not sure which ones. Definitely the Make a Wish foundation and Compassion International. 

Give plenty of money to my family and friends. 

And ever after all of this, with this big of a lotto winning, I would still have more money than I know what to do with for a lifetime. 

Here's hoping! 

Monday, March 26, 2012

A note for me.

(I just needed to post this for myself, to remind me later on of what I am trying to process this week). 

There's been a lot of sound bytes on my DVR the last few days about the big tenants of the Christian faith. I was watching Rosie O'Donnell debate Stephen Baldwin and then watched Kristin Chenoweth talk with Ellen and all four discussed Christianity.

Most of the four said that love is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. They said love is the big point and that  more Christians should be loving. This is such a common statement made by the media and public figures about Christianity and most of the time the people professing it are not Christian.

Now please don't get me wrong or be quick to judge. Love is a very important part of Christianity (read John 3:16 and 1 Cor 13:13). But the way many of us (Christians and non-Christians alike) view a loving God is like a great big teddy bear in the sky. God is love, but He also requires obedience and a humble heart.

I hate to say it, but Stephen Baldwin (on Rosie's show) was right when he responded to Rosie's comment that the "tenant of Christianity is love," by saying "it is also repent."

This hit me like a ton of bricks. Love is not the blindfold to the way we live. It is the cast that helps us heal in order to walk straighter. And that healing path is down a road of obedience, starting at the door of repentance.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Dear Amy: Top 10 Mad Men comments (so far... season two)

Dear Amy,

First of all, happy Mad Men Season 5 premier day! Hope you and Andrew are able to watch it (maybe on Hulu?). I don't know, but I did think of you. :) When you do watch it, make yourself a cocktail, no matter the day, each day deserves one... haha, again, too much Mad Men for me today.

I was going to write this to you via FB, but I assume the post would be too long. Also, I love reading your blog letters to me (and your other adoring readers), so here we go...

I just started episode one of season three (of Mad Men). I have many questions and comments for you.

1. Betty is almost my least favorite character.
2. Pete IS my least favorite character. He sucks. He's egotistical, selfish, mean to his wife, and thinks he is smarter than Don and Robert (which is a lie).
3. I still don't know all the account guys names...
4. But, I find the closeted gay guy fascinating... and the cute blonde writer guy...
5. Peggy is my favorite, for so many feminist and good girl reasons.
6. A, I supposed to hate Don? I can't tell... I read and read and still haven't figured that out.
7. I enjoy Joan... and I HATE her fiancee. The rape scene?! Seriously. She should not marry him.
8. Part of me is continuing to watch just to see more of Joan and Roger together.
9. The other part just wants to be "cool."
10. I really like the real Mrs. Draper in CA. I wish the show was about her and when Don visits. He is too mysterious for words.

Love,
Me

Pools of sunshine


Sometimes I like to just sit and listen to the rain. It makes me feel melancholy and hopeful at the same time. That, and the fact that I love the sound of cars driving on wet asphalt. Have you ever noticed it has a different sound? Like puddles dancing.

I love the rain, but I just got back from soaking up the Palm Desert sun and that was wonderful too. A whole week away from problems* and stress. Days full of nothing to do with puzzles, delicious food, shopping, lying in the sun, swimming, and deciding every day to do whatever whenever and however, all with the people I love most in the world. That's what vacations are all about.

I saw in Tommy Bahama's store (which I wish I could live in) that their motto is "make life one long weekend." I love that. I wish vacation could be life, but maybe then it wouldn't be vacation? Unless you kept moving from city to city and hotel to hotel? Live like rich characters in a Jane Austen novel, traveling with your favorite people from big country house to London flat and back again.

Time away and disconnected made me ready to face life again. I missed my friends; my other support system and source of encouragement and laughter. I feel ready to tackle work projects and meetings and make decisions again.

But today I am enjoying my last day of freedom and listening to the rain.

*There was water damage to my apartment (my bedroom actually) while I was gone and I got the call about it on my third day away. Now that I'm home I have to pressure my complex to compensate me for all my ruined bedding and mattress. Thank God I pressured them to fix the hole in the roof and wall before today's rain, or it could have gotten worse. Oh the adventures of apartment living... they never seem to end.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Top 10: Things I Learned from The Bachelor

1. Pretty girls finish first.
2. First impressions really do count. 
3. Hot tubs are the secret to romance.
4. True love will happen once you both climb a bridge, jump out of a helicopter, or scale a skyscraper. 
5. Women and cocktails don't mix.
6. Men will always choose beauty over brains. 
7. Women make better decisions than men (the Bachelorettes' relationships always last longer than the Bachelors').
8. Nothing is final until there's a fantasy suite date card.
9. Smart women finish second (or third or fourth). 
10. Chris Harrison is a superhero. 


Bring on The Bachelorette!

Monday, February 27, 2012

(more) 2012 Oscars

My second favorite part of the Oscars is scouring the internet for after party pictures, red carpet moments, and lots of details. Here are some of my faves...


George signing autographs. Love that about him. Also, the press always remarks that he shows up on red carpets early to let each reporter have a moment to interview him. So kind. (photo).


Claire Danes and Gwyneth Paltrow (photo). 


Jean DuJardin basking in his win (photo). 


Cruise's and Beckham's (photo). 

A couple shots of Jessica Chastain...


Dear Gerard Butler, please don't mess with Jessica's heart (especially after hearing of your rendezvous with a certain Beverly Hills housewife). (Photo).

(This and that photo from here).


Jessica and her Grandma. So sweet. 


Gosh, I hope to be go to an Oscar after party someday. A girl can dream! 

2012 Oscars

Favorite moments and random thoughts on my favorite day of the year (I really did get more excited for yesterday than for my upcoming birthday on Thursday!)...


Here is my twitter feed of thoughts:




Host with the most: I loved Billy Crystal! I'll admit it lagged a few times, but honestly, Billy just does so well with the show. He's classy and funny and respectful and doesn't take himself too seriously. I hope he hosts many more times.


(photo from here)

Peek-a-Boo body parts: I totally saw J.Lo's sort of nip slip (awkward) before the press mentioned it. Also, you know I adore Angelina, but even I have to admit I wasn't a fan of her protruding leg. Loved her dress though. I also loved how playful and happy she seemed. 


(Emma in her second dress of the evening walking into the Vanity Fair party. Photo from here.)


Best presenters: Emma Stone was hilarious. She is so confident and funny, but also sweet and smart. Love the mix of her many sides. I also have to admit that I enjoyed when Melissa McCarthy and one of her other "Bridesmaids" costar continued the "Scorsese" drinking game joke. 


Most shocking moment: When Viola Davis did not win for Best Actress. Ironically, it was one of my ballot votes that I felt most sure of, as were many. I think Viola was robbed by the Academy. I was very disappointed, but of course I love Meryl, I just think we need to share the Oscar love. 


(from here)


Best speech: Meryl Streep thanking her beloved husband and good friends. I love her and she is such a class act. 


(from here)


Girl I'm most jealous of: Stacy Keibler. Obviously. 


(found here)


Best dressed and latest actress I'm obsessed with: Jessica Chastain. She is lovely and gorgeous and seems so kind and naive. I also think she's a fantastic actress. 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Oscar Predictions

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year! Oscar Sunday. I swear, I like it more than my birthday (which is Thursday, by the way). I try to predict who will win every year. As you know, I am obsessed with all things pop culture and I pride myself on reading up beforehand, so, with fingers crossed, here is my list of who will win and who I would like to see win.


Best picture 
Will win: The Artist
Should win: The Help - my favorite movie of the year, for great acting, great book adaptation, great historical truths, and great women's rights kind of movie. Loved it.


Best Actor (this is a very tough one to call, and I so want to be right, but think I'll be wrong)
Will win: Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Should win: It's a tie for me between George (my love) and Jean Dujardin. I think that if George wins it is not just for The Descendants, but for his body of work (which the Academy is known for doing). I think if Jean wins it is because he was amazing in The Artist as a silent film actor. Part of me thinks it will be Jean, because his performance reminds of when Roberto Benigni won Best Actor for Life is Beautiful


Best Actress (also a close race)
Will win: Viola Davis, The Help
Should win: Viola Davis. Despite the brilliance that is Meryl Streep and despite that I hope Michelle Williams wins a Best Actress Oscar someday. 


Best Supporting Actor
Will win: Christopher Plummer, Beginners 
Should win: Jonah Hill. He was phenomenal in Moneyball. Loved him. I also fell a little in love with him today when I watched my taped Oprah's Oscar Special. 


Best Supporting Actress
Will win: Octavia Spencer, The Help
Should win: Jessica Chastian (also from The Help) because as much as I think Octavia was great, Jessica stole the whole movie to me. She was fantastic. I also think Emma Stone and Allison Janey were overlooked for The Help this season too.


Best Director
Will win and should win: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Should win: Michael Hazanavicius 


Best Animated Feature Film
Will win: Rango
Should win: don't care


Best Foreign Film 
Will win: A Separation
Should win: no idea, but because I love Angelina Jolie I wish her film, In the Land of Blood and Honey, was nominated.


Best Original Screenplay 
Will win: Midnight in Paris, written by Woody Allen
Should win: The Artist


Best Adapted Screenplay
Will win: The Descendants  
Should win: The Ides of March (it was great... and George helped write it)


Enjoy Oscar Sunday!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Top Ten: Bachelor Ben



Reasons I can't stand Bachelor Ben...


1. His hair.
2. His lack of interest when the women (minus Courtney) talk to him.
3. He got naked.
4. He doesn't listen to the women's warnings about Courtney.
5. He got rid of Kacie B.
6. He didn't walk the two women to the car last week, despite being in the top 6. The least he can do is have a conversation with them and be a gentleman.
7. He calls the women "girls."
8. He's too guarded. 
9. He thinks with the wrong part of his body.
10. He is completely obsessed with Courtney!

(photo).

Thursday, February 2, 2012

This was my day...


Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's personal to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway? 
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing. 
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal. 


This was my day... only Joe Fox was a group of men, none of whom turned out to be charming... and I was Kathleen Kelly wondering if I said the right things. Why is it that when women are opinionated, strong, and focused they immediately feel bad and wonder if they were rude? Men never wonder this. Maybe it's just me? Oh the joys of the workplace...

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Bloggers are people too

I love my little corner of the blogosphere. In fact, I love most all of the blogosphere (just not the haters, mockers, and bullies... of which I know none, although sadly my cousin now does). This week, one of my favorite bloggers, C. Jane, started following me (and her 2000 other Facebook friends) on Pintrest. I know it's only Wednesday, but that made my week! Then, as if that wasn't happy-making enough, she wrote on my FB status (that I mentioned her in)! 




The bloggers I follow feel like my neighbors. The kind who are friendly and enjoy living next door, but don't actually have dinner together or go to movies. These bloggers are my Internet neighbors in my corner of the blogosphere. It makes the world feel small, safe, and happy. 


I remember the first time I met a blogger, it was the brilliantly talented Jasmine Star. I met her when she was photographing a good friend's wedding and she was SO sweet and exactly as I had hoped she would be! A few years later, I e-mailed with Joanna when I asked if she wanted to meet my mom and I for lunch while we were visiting NYC. She too was quite lovely. Recently, Olivia at Everyday Musings, started a FB page and I commented on it and she responded. That too was fun. Then I twittered Nina about pausing her blog and she wrote back a lovely response (she also sent me a Christmas card a couple years ago, which was very fun). And now, the interaction with C. Jane.


Love all of this social media bonding!


(and let's not forget that I re-connected with the lovely Kacie, who I knew as a little kid, through the blog world too!). 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Sick day haters


I have a problem where people in my life make me feel very guilty for taking sick days. I am often told I take too many sick days or should take vitamins or need to work on my attendance... and yet, these same people often admit that I have an excellent work ethic, get things done quickly, and always do my best. Can the two opinions actually exist? 

My counselor is always reminding me to realize and accept that it's "their problem, not mine," but I am not very good at that. I seek approval and support in my actions and decisions. This is why I've never truly rebelled. I have too much guilt and seek to people please like it's second hand nature. True rebellion would be to claim a sick day and go on a road trip or to Disneyland or to San Diego. I can honestly tell you I've never done this. Never. Okay... I took part in senior ditch day eight years ago, but that's it. 

So, to you people who make me feel bad for my numerous sick days, GET OVER IT. Leave me alone, or better yet, bring me some soup, a magazine, a get well text or some other way to say you believe me. If you don't think I am normally a liar, then why can't you let me stay inside in peace and believe me? Until I can learn to say"that's your problem," you need to learn to respect my decisions. 

Please and thank you. 

(photo from pintrest). 

Friday, January 20, 2012

January: week three

This week has been so busy that it felt like a five day week and not a four day week! But it was a good one all the same. I got together with great friends, spent time with my sister, have a cold, and got good (and big) news at work. This weekend I am feeling under the weather, so I plan to watch loads of TV and stay cozy. 


There was a lot of work news that is too boring political complicated to really share. BUT, the exciting part is that I also received news I got a title addition and a raise. I'm not saying this to brag, but just to say that I learned a good lesson in the process. I learned you really do have to be your own advocate. It took months of prayer, nerves, advice, and research to get the balls courage to ask my boss for the new title and more money. I wrote my first proposal and everything. It was a great growing experience (and reward) to discover that it's okay to take risks and respect yourself enough to ask for what you feel you deserve. Of course, I had to be sure I had done my homework, worked hard, and could defend my request before I could claim it was deserved. I was thankful to get the good news, but I was more proud of myself for being brave, prepared, and so "corporate". 


So that's the update from my corner of the world. Happy Friday!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Dear women of TV

Dear women of The (current) Bachelor,
     I am speechless. I am embarrassed. I am sad. You ladies women are being ridiculous. You are being snide, rude, hurtful, and making a spectacle of women every where. I defend this show, and my obsession with it, every week and I am proud to do so, but this season - especially tonight - is leaving me with nothing to defend. 
     For example, in tonight's episode, you were horrible to Shawntel. You judged a woman based on nothing. Called her bad names, embarrassed her, and were cold. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially when she has done nothing to deserve it. Also, on the group date, you all skied down fake snow in BIKINIS in public. Seriously? 
     I am disgusted. I don't think any of you should be on the show. I think you might be my least favorite group of women on a season so far. 
     Also, Ben, I think you should have kept Shawntel for at least one more week. The fact that you two enjoyed one another's company outside of the show is probably a good sign for a long relationship. 
Love, Carrie


Tonight added to a topic I've been thinking about all weekend... Last night we all watched the Golden Globes. Today, we all (me included) judge the outfits the women wore. We judged their hair, their make up, and the outfits they bravely chose to wear to a place surrounded by every media type in the country and much of the world. No one woke up this morning to discuss how bad Brad Pitt's hair looked, they woke up to bash Sarah Michelle Gellar's dress. 


Award season is praising the movie Bridesmaids, which I have not seen, but they praise it because it "proves women are as funny as men." They (the critics and happy viewers) say women have proven that they too can make fart jokes and have crude humor. But why do we want this? This is not the kind of "equality" I support. Why should anyone make successful movies about farting and crude jokes and lewd behavior? I wish we were better than that


And now tonight, while watching The Bachelor and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which I plan to watch later), I am seeing proof that we are going backward as a society and in our view of women. And we, women, need to step up. We need to respect one another, praise one another, encourage one another, and support one another. We need to stop behaving badly for ratings. Stop sexually exploiting yourself by wearing bikinis in the fake snow and cleavage baring dresses. Stop kissing men on the first date. Stop talking shit about other women behind their backs or to their face. Stop. Stop. Stop.


Educate yourself. Mentor a younger woman. Be classy. Say kind words. Wear a turtle neck. Respect yourself


Please. 

2012 Golden Globes Moments

Worst host: I really can't stand Ricky Gervais 


Movie I need to see: The Artist, because it will win the Oscar for Best Picture. 


Best dressed: I wasn't obsessed with any of the looks or dresses because I hate red lips, shinny faces, fishtail dresses and leg slits in dresses. But, my favorite was Jessica Alba.



Second runners up: Stacey, Claire, Deborah, Angelina









Biggest fashion disappointments: Lea and Reese (both of whom I always love)






Cutest couple: duet between Felicity Huffman and William H Macy, Jenna Dewan-Tatum and Channing Tatum




Best acceptance speech: Michelle Williams and Claire Danes (because they both mentioned family as the most important)




Funniest moments: George Clooney presenting Moneyball by mocking Brad Pitt's cane (love their bro-mance), Jesse Tyler Ferguson's "whatever" sign as his costar was listed as a nominee for best actor in a comedy show.




Missed opportunity: George should have walked Meryl her glasses up to her, how great would that moment have been?


Best host: George Clooney. Doesn't it always seem like it's his party? I love that about him. 


Did you notice: Angie stood up for Meryl's win, Leo always looks like he's genuinely paying attention, Meryl shouted out to Viola, the sweet mother daughter pride between Andie Macdowel and her Miss Golden Globes daughter. 




Overall, I thought the show was okay, but let's hope the Oscars are better. 


(most photos from People).

Monday, January 9, 2012

Bachelor interrupted

Okay, so got to be honest, I'm not loving The Bachelor tonight and I blame Downton Abbey. I spent all of Saturday re-watching season one and last night watched (most) of the first episode of season two. Downton Abbey is quality television. The Bachelor - although I love it - is not. 


Five thoughts on tonight's Bachelor episode:


1. Ben is really growing on me. He is intelligent and goofy and sweet and in-touch with his emotions. 


2. I want Ben to choose Kacie. Hands down. Their first date was adorable, honest, bonding, sweet, and romantic. Definitely the best date (both in sharing and set up) was the best Bachelor date ever. Kacie is a sweetheart and she and Ben seem so comfortable already.


3. Not a fan of Courtney and incredibly disappointed that Ben seems really into her. 


4. It never ceases to amaze me that these women are my same age. Can they really feel that love passed them by already? 


5. I hate when women who already have a rose spend time with The Bachelor during the cocktail hour(s), they are already safe. Ugh. So not classy. (Yes, I mean Blakeley during tonight's episode). 


So, of course I will keep watching The Bachelor, but do me a favor and start watching Downton Abbey! You'll love it. Now I am going to watch some Bravo and see if it heals the bad reality TV taste in my mouth tonight. 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Sushi Saturday

Yesterday, I went to a Korean market with my friend Reiko. The only other "ethnic market" I've ever been to is a Mexican market back home for delicious carne asada. I told Reiko it would be an adventure and not to leave me. ha. 


The Korean market reminded me of Costco with it's samples, rows and rows of food (none of which I could read, except the fine English print), and lots of people. I tried every sample I could and really enjoyed them all. I saw some interesting things, most interesting was a frozen chicken WITH it's head still attached! Gross. But fascinating. 


In true adventure fashion, I got in trouble by the cashier at the Korean market. Sad day. There was a large Hello Kitty display, which I thought was hilariously stereotypical, and I wanted to take a picture. Apparently that is against the rules. The cashier caught me and said no pictures were allowed... and then I lied. Not my proudest moment. I lied and said I didn't take one, but here it is...




Then I apologized to Reiko about lying. Needless to say, we had an adventure. 


Later, Reiko and I went to Teri's house to have a TV show marathon of Downton Abbey and made sushi for dinner. 




It was wonderful. 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Ryan Seacrest is hiring

Um, why is this not my job?! Too bad I am not an undergrad looking for an internship. This would be my dream job (or at least dream starter job).


Position listed here. If you apply and get it, please tell me everything about it and get me a job there. Thanks. 

January: week one

The first week of January is starting slow and easy, which is hopefully a good sign about 2012. I heard on Twitter the other day (which we know is a very reliable source) that the first 12 days of a year indicates how the whole year will be... Do you believe this? I don't, but if it's true, then this week is a good sign. 


I am home today with cramps... great first week back to work by taking a sick day already. Boo! But, I am hopeful to feel less guilty about life in 2012, so I am going to enjoy this metal health day full of resting on a heating pad and taking a pause in my week. So far today is great because there is a Real Housewives of Orange County marathon on Bravo (best channel ever) and the Kindle Fire online support chat guy flirted with me, so that's a good sick day, right? 


(there really is a need for a sarcasm font).


I just read my BFF Amy's latest blog post (personal note to come, my Amy) and she wrote about New Year's resolutions. I am typically anti-resolution, but I really have started this year and week with goals, so maybe my mind set is changing. The overall goal with the goals (see, I can be Type A) is that if I don't make them, it is okay. 2012 will be a year of grace on myself. No guilt, no expectations, use the word "no" more often. Be gentle with myself and view each day as a new day to try. Don't add up all the failures and hang them over your own head. Close each day and start the next one with a clean slate. In many ways, it is the way God loves us too. His mercies are new every morning and we have a new opportunity to live life obediently for Him, so why not treat myself the same way He does? That is my 2012 mindset. 


So, my resolutions this year are just goals that I will consider each day/week and see what happens (yep, no longer Type A):
- go to church (this goal mindset takes away all the pressure to "find" a church, I need to just show up at some and then take that next step of finding one to call my own... personal pressure will never get me in the door).
- eat less, move more
- think about a doctorate degree
- read more (thanks for the Kindle, Mom!) 
- be financially healthy


Now excuse me, that marathon is calling my name... 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Bachelor Ben



First thoughts...


I will never understand why all the rejected girls bawl when they get rejected on the first night. Don't cry until you get rejected when you're in the top 10! 


Bad entrances: the girl who said nothing and the girl who walked around the circle, what were they thinking?!


I did like the horse entrance and the Grandma entrance. Great ideas. 


What the heck was Ben thinking by keeping Monica the sort of lesbian?! She is a bit crazy... falling for one of the women on the first night and admitting she feels nothing for Ben. Strike one for him. 


And blogger Jenna? I told my sister she was drama when we watched her bio and I so badly wanted to like her. Can't wait to see what happens with her this season!


During the whole cocktail party, Ash and I kept commenting that Patti Stanger (the Millionaire Matchmaker) needed to come whip the women into shape and remind them of the two drink maximum! 


Here's so another dramatic season of The Bachelor, full of cleavage, cocktails, and crazy!


(photo here).