I wrote on my Facebook wall tonight that I am tired of being brave.
I am. It's exhausting. 100%, completely and totally exhausting. Sometimes it's exhilarating and fun and exciting, but other times it is depressing, rough, and takes a lot of courage.
When I was little I would pray for courage every night before I went to sleep. Maybe I should start that again.
It started over the weekend. Ironically, celebrating Independence Day made me think about being independent and all it consists of at times. I was alone over the weekend at my parent's house with my adorable, but very old, dog, Lucy. Being alone is always an exercise of being brave for me. Especially at night. I'm sure you can relate.
Then I had this massive fly problem. Don't laugh. They were really big flies. And they seemed to be everywhere, even after I killed one, another would show up. I killed/trapped nine before I left. It took home-made remedies (thanks, Ilise) and a LOT of Raid spray. Nearly the whole can. Plus, I had to kill a spider. Then tonight, at my apartment, I had to kill some other bug. I hate summer for it's heat and for bringing out the bugs.
I get really grumpy when I'm too warm.
I am also being brave in a few things at work (including lots of important meetings/decisions without much support). There are a few other things too that require risk-taking and prayer.
I don't know. Sounds like I'm whining about being a grown up... maybe I am. But today, that's how I feel. Tired of being brave and just want to be rescued.
I need to follow my own example and just pray for courage to be brave and grown up. Why did we learn all the most important lessons in life before we were ten-years-old? Relieved to still be a child of God, no matter how many times I try to be a grown up and do life on my own.
P.S. If you believe in prayer, please pray for an opportunity that I am not able to talk about on my blog, but want prayer for. Nothing to be worried about, just a possible opportunity, but I know prayer leads to miracles. :)
(photos found through Pinterest).