Thursday, November 4, 2010

A day to throw away

Oh, today week. Gosh, this has felt like a long week! In fact, last week did too (which is probably why I did nothing last weekend).

Today I am off on a sick day. I woke up, got in the shower, attempted to blow dry my hair, cried, and then felt guilty for calling in sick to work. That's the way it works for me. I use two tricks to determine a sick day need: do I cry about calling in? Do I have to rest while showering or blow drying my hair? Today, both of those happened.

Yet, I think I feel worse by the guilt of not going to work. I always feel like I have to make excuses or prove my need to be home, to everyone in my life: bosses, parents, roommates, Facebook, the woman at the grocery store. Everyone.

I always think I can't do anything on sick days. No laundry, cleaning, running errands, and certainly no going out with friends in the evening if I feel better. Why is that? I sincerely hope that someday I will get rid of these rules on my life that are all self-imposed. If I have the time, it is my legal right to use it. (Sigh). Someday...

This whole week has sucked.

I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off at work. Complete craziness.

Family dysfunction on the phone last night, which lead to a bad dream about my family, those are often worse than nightmares for me and seem to follow me all day.

Guilt every morning that I can't get more done in my day before work, like read my bible and exercise.

Thinking about exercising is dampening my week in general. Hate thinking about exercise.

Hate guilt.

Not enough time to do stuff after work also, like call friends, blog, make dinner, exercise, hang with my sister/roommates, go to sleep at an earlier hour, work on my capstone project.

There are just not enough hours in my day.

And not enough hugs and laughter - two things that are essential to my well being and health.

Glad tomorrow is Friday. Glad I don't have a busy weekend planned. Glad I have sick time. And, glad I have cable.


1 comment:

Shannon Rose said...

Carrie, I'm sorry. :( I had to take a sick day today and felt almost as emotionally and stressfully sick about it as I actually am sick! (If that makes sense...) ;) Looking forward to seeing you soon for another lunch!