Thursday, June 25, 2009

Tired of being a gypsy

This week I am tired of my recent gypsy life. What gypsy life, you may ask? Well, since my roommates and I moved to a new apartment I have only spent about a week there total and only five nights in the last two weeks! Ilise moved home to San Diego and Em is still gallivanting around Ireland until Tuesday. I believe she will be back at out apartment on Wednesday next week. I can not wait to have her back! Mostly because I miss her a lot, but also because my gypsy, unsettled life will finally stop. To make these couple of weeks (and my new apartment) even worse is that I still don’t have Internet and my TV is only bringing in NBC and the CW, so I am very limited in my blog reading, Facebook stalking, pop culture obsessing, TV addicted habits.
I have been staying at Marci’s and then went to my parents’ and then Marci stayed with me and then my sister came to stay for a night and finally, last night, I had had enough of the company and the constant turn around in my life and I took a deep breath, locked the doors, and stayed by myself. And here I am, so all is well. It was actually kinda, maybe, just a little bit nice. But, the pace continues tonight when my friend Camry comes to stay and have a movie night, which will be super fun and then tomorrow I head back down to my parents. Next week I don’t know what the plan is yet, but all I know is that I will be counting down the days (and nights) until Em returns.
I am excited for when she gets home to nest in our new place and create some new memories, so I can feel like the apartment is lived in and feel like it is home, because as of now, I still miss my old place. Em and I had just begun creating a new little life for ourselves with a new church and some great new friends and then the new apartment, and I am looking forward to diving back into that life. Before the move and Em’s trip I was just settling into life in LA and beginning to feel completely content, like this is exactly where I am supposed to be for a while. The best part was that we were both feeling that way. It was – and still is, because none of that new life is gone at all, thank goodness – as though everything I have been praying and waiting for over the last five years was finally happening. It has been a crazy ride over the last few months and until these three weeks; I have been loving every minute of it! So please know that although I am tired and frustrated with the last two weeks and the next one, overall, life is really pretty great.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

100th post

Wow. This is my one hundredth post! I never even expected to like blogging, yet here I am writing my 100th post. I had many plans for this post. I thought it would be reflective about my growth in the last hundred posts. But, here I am not feeling reflective. I also planned to write this week about the fact that five years ago I graduated high school! Crazy, huh? I can not believe it was five years ago, but we can go down that path another day...
As for tonight, I am sitting in my friend Marci's (shout out to Marci!) living room, watching cable (never under-estimate how great those words sound), and writing this blog on her laptop. Marci is wonderful and was kind enough to open her warm and lovely home to me for the rest of this week and maybe some of next week because I don't want to stay alone in my new apartment.
So, yes, you just remembered that I moved this weekend. It was an adventure to say the least. My new place is really nice. Very spacious and clean and newly renovated. I feel like I live in a small house! Em and I are even on opposite ends of the apartment, so there is a lot of privacy...maybe too much. LOL. Friday and Saturday we moved. And by move, I mean walked up and down tons of stairs over and over and over and over. It was exhausting. Thank the Lord that our new wonderful friends came to help! George, Joel, Dave, and John all helped us out. It was great. Then on Sunday my awesome sister came up and in two days single-handed-ly unpacked our entire apartment AND made me nest in my room. It was SO stinkin' nice of her and I wish there was something I could do to repay her. It was so great of her and we had a nice time together. I am literally sore and exhausted and black and blue (thanks to my new bookcase)! Who knew moving could be so abusive? But, the move is done and the unpacking is almost as well.
Em left for Ireland on Sunday and Ilise moved home today - but, I still consider her our roommate and she has a room at our place still. I hate to be alone overnight, so I am pushing myself on to others for the next 16 days until Em finally comes home. This week I am with Marci and this weekend I'll be with my family in San Diego and next week Marci and I will be together again. Did I mention how much I love and appreciate her? :)
So, I guess what this 100th post can show and prove is that life changes. It is unexpected and each step leads to the future and each step points you in the right direction that the Lord wills you to go. Em and I view our new apartment as our next chapter, even more so than grad school or new jobs. A physical move seems to open and welcome a new life chapter in a very big way, so I guess it is fitting that this new chapter begins as I write my 100th post. I am looking forward to seeing what the next 100 blog entries will say and what this new chapter will bring.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Moving Day Blues

I have a bad case of the Moving Day blues.
Tonight is my last night at my San Dimas apartment. Luckily, I won’t be too sad tonight because I am going dancing and will come home exhausted and happy from a fun night, but last night was hard and the one before that and the one before that for about a week and a half now.
Moving has been quite an adventure since my roommates first suggested it. I am not a fan of moving, so it has been tough to come to terms with, and then sadly, on Monday night one of my roommates announced that she is moving back in with her parents. So, it has been rough coming to terms with that as well and trying to find a third roommate for me and Em. This week consisted of considering moving to a two bedroom apartment together, calling potential roommates, and moving bills, ect. over from Ilise’s name. Who knew the week I was already dreading was going to be so much more painful and unexpected than I thought?! Not to mention that I had the last week of my Spring class on Tuesday and was doing homework for that and then spent my last class feeling sad to lose two friends who I can’t take classes with anymore (sad that I am in my fourth class and my friends are typically all in their ninth or so). It has been a roller coaster ride, but my parents and Em have really helped, as have my co-workers. I just keep reminding myself that God will never give you more than you can handle. I love that truth. He has continued to work small miracles all week, and I am ever so thankful.
Tomorrow night (Saturday) will be my first night in my new place. I am going to miss San Dimas, not so much because it is a gorgeous apartment or because I “nested” in my room (because I really haven’t), but I became a full-fledged adult in my current apartment. It was the first apartment I was ever responsible for legally. My first post-grad place (although technically I moved in before my last semester of undergrad). I learned to cook and eat more like an adult at my place. I learned to call maintenance a lot. I had my own washer and dryer in my apt, which the new apt does not have in the actual units, only three for the complex. I think I’ll probably miss that appliance the most! I bought a “big girl” bed here and a nightstand, two strong attempts in effort to nest for me. I had my first parties and friends over for dinner. I learned spiders are easier to kill with hairspray and how to get rid of mold in the bathroom (even if only for a couple weeks).
I have lived in this apt for two years, which is the longest I have lived anywhere since moving out of my parents’ house. It has been the closest thing to a “home” I have found and was a big source of security and stability for me. I will miss the washer and dryer. My big bedroom window. The kitchen. The porch and the summer nights Rach, Em, and Ilise and I use to sit out there and talk when it was too hot to sleep. I will miss the quirky neighborhood. The apt where “single mom” lived. I’ll miss seeing the kids play in the spa during the summer. The college kids who live behind our apartment and whose bedroom windows face mine. I’ll miss the girl who lives there who didn’t know she sang me to sleep one night with a song about Jesus when I was trying to not cry myself to sleep during a tough phase of life. I’ll miss the Middle Eastern family who always says hi to us and whose kids play on their bicycles in the summer time. I’ll miss the couple who live upstairs across from us and their adorable cocker spaniel, Bailey. I’ll miss the antics and strange hours of “naked guy,” who in his own small way (bad choice of words?) also introduced the roomies and me to something relatively new. I won’t miss the couples who move in and scream at each other.
I may even miss fighting with the bathroom mold.
But, I am thankful and blessed to have lived in San Dimas for the last two years and I am grateful my new apt is only a mile away and most of my routine won’t change at all because of my new address. I am closing the door on one chapter of my life and opening it to the next. We’ll see what sorts of memories this new apt brings, as well as what neighbors and roommates it may bring as well. All I know is that aside from moving, my life in LA is as close to perfect as it has ever been, and that it a blessing from God because it means I have no desire to move to San Diego. Maybe this new apt is exactly what Em and I need to continue on our current journey where living in this area feels so right, and where for me, what I have been praying for these last five years is finally beginning to happen.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

When a woman is hormonal and stressed and single and lives with other women who are in the same boat, the topic of men comes up fairly often (“fairly” being an understatement…obviously). Thus, this post.

It all began when I was listening to Ryan Seacrest earlier this week. A guy called in and began telling a story that at first I believed had no point, but it is Ryan on the radio, so I listened. The guy said that he has been casually dating a girl for a couple months and they went out to dinner the other night and she ordered a beer and the waiter asked her “do you want me to bring you a glass?” she said “no, (she) prefers to drink from the bottle.” There. That one phrase, one common, insignificant reply to a waiter about how to sip a beverage, was the deal maker (rather than breaker) for this guy. Once she said that he just couldn’t stand how cute and legit she was and he asked her – right there and then – if they could be exclusive. And she said yes. Now, call me crazy, but I thought that was the sweetest story of my week so far. It is just so cute and simple and reminds me that it is the little things that keep people together.

Okay, so if that story doesn’t do it for you, maybe these blog posts will…

If I get married and if I still have a blog then I want to nickname my husband when I write about him (much like this favorite blogger) and chronicle our love story.

I’d like to go on a first date that feels this comfortable.

I want to marry a man who is this in love with me through sickness and in health.

And you already know (from this previous post) that I believe in the importance of this statement.

And, in the wise words of Jasmine Star, I whole heartedly agree... “I believe in weddings because I believe in love. Just the same way I believe in soul mates, in fidelity, in eternity, in passion, in sacrifice. I believe in weddings because I believe in love.” (I hope quoting her from a blog she asked readers not to steal is okay, because I have nothing but admiration and respect for her, so please read it for yourself in her archives from Jan 25, 2009).

Before ending this sappy random blog, I of course have to remind you all that someday I hope to be on a double date with a woman named Angelina and look across the table at these two men.

Monday, June 1, 2009

I am about to get all "preachy"...

Last night in church I was very convicted – well, I think convicted may be the wrong word because of how negative it is – I was... convinced to let myself accept something about God that I have a difficult time remembering. The Lord whispered in my heart last night during worship that I need to remember He loves me JUST AS I AM. This sounds like a no duh, but it is harder to comprehend than it seems. God loves me – and you – just as you are RIGHT NOW. Not for how you’ve improved, not for what you will become with Him, but who you are right now. Sins, bad moods, short tempers, mistakes, whatever. He loves you, even with those bad characteristics and habits. As Psalm 103:13&14 says, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” I am always so hard on myself and how I daily fall short in my walk with God. But last night, God kept reminding me “I love you just the way you are. Just the way you are. Just. The. Way. You. Are.” (He says this in Psalm 139). He had to keep repeating it because I kept saying, “no, You can’t. I don’t deserve it.” He knows that. He knows I don’t deserve it. That is called grace. Grace is a free gift that we don’t deserve and we get anyway. We don’t deserve perfect, forgiving, unconditional, or eternal love, but we get it when we confess that Jesus is Lord and ask Him into our hearts and commit to love and follow Him only (Romans 10:9&10). I often remind myself that we don’t obey God and His Word because we have to earn our salvation to keep reassuring ourselves we’ll go to Heaven, we obey His commands because we love Him back. He paid the ultimate price for me and the least I can do is give Him my life. James 2:18 says “But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” I don’t follow him perfectly, I don’t even think of this gift of grace daily, but thankfully (and grace-fully) His mercies renew every morning. That is what I strive for: to wake up everyday and give that day to God. To God be the glory…everyday.