Sometimes this question is really hard for me to answer. There are times when I know I am the one who is in charge of the decisions I make and the things I do. But other times, more often than I’d like to admit, I ask others to make the decisions for me. I guess this is exactly what growing up is. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes not so much. I feel even more like a kid when I have to make important decisions, like where to live and what job to apply for or take. Such big life decisions always seem to convince me that I need some help before deciding anything. Thus, the beauty of asking for advice.
Trusting my self can be so difficult at times. I always pride myself on my intuition, but when it comes to my own life, sometimes I can’t decipher it as well. It is easiest to decipher when it comes to other people’s situations or the environments around me, rather than major life decisions. Maybe because I know there is technically no wrong or right answer. That makes the decision all the more confusing.
Freewill is a funny thing. People want to make some decisions seem cut and dry as far as “what’s God’s will for you?” But, there are many times when I believe the Lord says “love me and keep giving me your life everyday, but as for decisions that aren’t necessarily right or wrong one way or another, do what you want within the space I’ve given you.” This is what people mean when they say there are times the Lord doesn’t care what school you choose or what your major is, because although that can define so much of your own life, it doesn’t impact the kind of witness you’ll be either way. God is in the details, but He is in the details down many paths, not just one. I heard in church a few months ago that God won’t just lead you through open doors, sometimes He’ll lead you by closing them. Anything to keep you walking down the hallway (if you will). The beauty of God is that He gave us freewill and minds and the Holy Spirit to help us make decisions, and if there is a decision that God is really trying to say a direct yes or no to, He will keep trying to get our attention until He has to hit us with a 2x4.
So aside from the Lord or maybe it is better to say because of the Lord, “I am the boss of me.”
Now I just need to convince myself.