Thursday, January 8, 2009

Shaking ground

Sometimes it feels like the ground is shaking under your feet, and sometimes it actually is. Today, it actually did and today felt like one of those days as well.
Today was yet another sick day. I have an awful cold, which sounds so lame because “it’s just a cold,” but it is intense. I feel like Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail” when she had a cold… I wish Tom Hanks would come bring me a bouquet of daisies!
It is bad to watch the news when you’re home alone and sick all day. From the crappy economy and the President-elect’s message about it, to Suze Orman on Oprah yelling at you through the TV screen about how the economy isn’t improving any time soon and we all suck at handling our money, which then reminds me that I will be out of a job at the end of March and that gets me thinking… Then there are stories about crazy record floods in Seattle and fires in Colorado. Then I hear that the “hard porn” industry wants the government to BAIL THEM OUT!!!! I mean, are you kidding me??? Really? Please, Lord, don’t let this happen. This is exactly why the US isn’t ready for a female president; because even the porn industry thinks they can get government help despite the fact that objectify women – American citizens and human beings – for entertainment. Then, to make the day even more wonderfully depressing there was an earthquake a few minutes ago that made me jump out of my skin! AND, I am home alone for a couple more hours, so that made me more scared. Thanks, Mom, for comforting me.
All is well now.
It has just been one of those days that remind you that you are on your own. An adult in an adult world. Money, earthquakes, being sick on your own. Lots of reminders today. But there was a moment today when I was headed to my kitchen to make some dinner and it hit me that I live on my own and that I was standing in my apartment. Sometimes this happens to me. My autonomy will just hit me like a wave and I will be reminded and surprised by the fact that I am an adult. I will suddenly realize that I am doing what I had always hoped, it just looks much different than I imagined, but none the less, I had always hoped I’d live on my own in an apartment with my name on the lease and own my own car and have a full-time job, yadda, yadda, yadda. Does any of this make any sense? Does anyone else just get surprised by their life for a moment at random? I don’t know, but I do. And I kinda really like those moments. They give me a strange, comforting sense of contentment.

(Photo: the bed I wish I had to read in when I am sick. Found it here.)

1 comment:

Josh, Chrissie & Matthew said...

So there WAS an earthquake! I could have sworn there was one, but no one else said they felt it, so I just felt crazy. I'm not crazy :-) I love reading your blog by the way!