Tonight I finished my first grad school class, Ethics in Organizational Leadership. Writing that sentence feels pretty good, I must admit. I also must admit that I cried on my way home. I’m sad this class is over. Sad because the topic was interesting and we didn’t have any weekly homework, but mostly, I am sad to leave my group of peers from this class. The central group was a pack of six or so who have gone through the program together. They are almost done and I doubt I’ll have a class with them again because my program is just beginning. I will miss their friendliness, their laughter, and their familiarity with one another. I will really miss hearing certain people’s opinions, because a couple of them just caught my full attention every time with their wise words and balanced perspectives. I am also bummed because my friend from undergrad is dropping the program and I will really miss her. Plus, my co-worker friend and I probably won’t be any more classes together (she is in the group I mentioned). But, what is exciting is knowing that in six more classes I could be the student who laughs it up with her peers. Knowing that we have all been on this academic journey. That is the beauty of the classroom experience.
So, what did I learn in this class? I learned that for all my open-minded, devil's advocate, accepting mumbo jumbo, I really am a black and white, duty driven, responsibility-led person, or at least that type of leader. This class showed me that yes, I am open-minded and attempt to learn (and hear) from everyone, but when it comes to my personal ethics I know what I believe and what my course of action is and the reasons for my moral standards. What surprised and sort of disappointed me is that I really am a boring, duty-driven person! I want to be situational and "live in the moment," but I am not. I do have responsibilities and I really do make them my priority. But what I have learned -not because of this class but actually since moving out of my parents' house - is that my responsibilities may make me a bit more boring and stable, but it also means that I know what is important to me and what lines I am willing to cross. I have been attempting to cross these lines since I was 18. It is my attempt at rebellion, but it isn't. It simply means that I am figuring out what standards and opinions and behaviors are important to my moral framework and what parts are not.
It must have been a pretty great class to have put all those pieces together! I will miss it. I hope I don't choke up every nine weeks with another ended term!