Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Passion


Before you read this blog about coming alive and passion, please know that I am writing about a joy of the Lord that is lived out in a way that is separate from being filled with the joy of the Lord, or as I say having the “God glow.” I want to clarify that as a Christian and I love the Lord and He makes me come alive with joy inside and out, so please understand that when I say “come alive” in this post I don’t mean spiritually, I mean in a way where you are doing something that people see and immediately know it is from the Lord or else there is no reason one should be good at that thing or doing that thing or have been given the opportunity to shape their life around that thing.
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I have been thinking about passion for more than a week. I have a writing “date” tomorrow after work with my good friend, Jamie, and it has been hauntingly hanging over my head since last Thursday. It is haunting me because a year ago making plans to swap writing and spending a week getting drafts ready would have been a dream, especially considering that my nights and weekend are free from responsibility with ample time to write. However, it has been painful thinking about it this week. For about a year now I have been wondering if I have talent in writing. I have also been questioning how passionate I really am about it. In December I was going to apply to grad school to get an MFA in fiction, and the day before graduation I made a decision not to follow that path because I wasn’t passionate about it. Filling out those applications was painful for me, not exciting at all. I realized that writing was something I enjoyed, but wasn’t sure I could make it a career, flash forward seven months and now I am not even sure if it is a passion or just some expected dream, like having the right answer or something. It is even more ironic because I applied for grad school last week for a direction I never even knew I would be interested in someday, but that doesn’t mean it makes me come alive, however, I am looking forward to it.
I am curious to see how it goes tomorrow night. I have had extreme writers block all week, but I was able to write a page of something that may actually turn into something (I also am bringing an old story to work on with Jamie and edit). All I do know is that today I began looking forward to tomorrow because I love seeing Jamie’s passion for writing. She comes alive when we discuss and share it and I love that. I love to see people come alive with what they do.
Jamie isn’t the only one who has been showing me what coming alive looks like this week. I have also been inspired by my favorite wedding photographer Jasmine Star. I am always inspired by her blog (http://jasminestarblog.com/) because she is so honest, personal, and genuine. She is a Christian and I think the Lord shines through her talent and her heart. She’ll be photographing my friend’s wedding in a couple months and I am really hoping to meet her! What inspired me this week on her blog is that she is on tour for the next few weeks talking about photography around the country and it is just so incredible to read about her love of photography and of connecting with people. Her passion screams through her blog. You know when you read her blog that she is completely and totally and beautifully alive.
Today I was impressed by Jason Diaz. He is an incredible musician and I bought his CD on iTunes today. He was my high school worship leader and then again was my college worship leader. I have been listening to him sing for a total of six years and he is inspiring. The fact that he has a CD on iTunes and Amazon is incredible and I admire his passion and hard work. He is a perfect example of just a normal person following their dreams and (beginning) to catch them.
As I write this I am watching the semi-finals of “So You Think You Can Dance.” Every time they show a one-on-one chat with each of the final four followed by their solo I get teary-eyed. These four – Twitch, Katee, Joshua, and Courtney – were four of my favorites this season (in addition to Kourtni, Will, and Kherington). The reason these four bring tears to my eyes is because they come alive when they dance. It is clear that they were each born to dance and it is incredible to watch them on the show because it means they went after their dream. They prove it on stage week after week. Even when they are talking about dance they beam. It is exactly what they were meant to do. I especially love watching Courtney dance her solos because, although she is not as technically excellent as the other three, she brings more passion in her 30 second solo than the rest of the dancers combined. You can see on stage that she “brings it” every time. The way she moves and throws her body around with such purpose and force and meaning is mesmerizing. She is alive. All of the dancers on the show have just shown such incredible passion.
Passion is what I have felt I’ve been missing for the last year. I love many things and find joy in those things, such as God and my family and my friends and deep conversations and music and feminism and education and even writing, but I still haven’t found – or maybe decided – what I am so passionate about that I come alive too.
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"Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ~Gil Bailie

4 comments:

jamie said...

i love that we share a passion for writing. we bring it out of each other so much and i am so thankful for you, your writing and your critique.

Jasmine said...

I can't wait to meet you in a few months! ;)

Anonymous said...

You are such a great writer! Cut yourself some slack. The years of the twenties are for enjoying and discovering many talents. Passion isn't a constant feeling.

Anonymous said...

I am anonymous. I am learning how to do this.

Love,
Aunt Karen